Are You Scared to Ask for Help?

1 in 4 adults in England live with a mental illness. Between April 2023 and March 2024, there were 310,863 adults in contact with addiction services. Unfortunately, struggles with mental health and addiction are not rare. However, despite increased awareness and some shifts in the social understanding of these personal difficulties, change is still needed. Many people are still too nervous to ask for help.

Whether you are in need of addiction help or support with your mental health recovery, assistance is out there. At UKAT, we hope that addressing the things that hold us back can improve your chances of advocating for yourself. We hope to reiterate the strength in accessing support and encourage you to take steps to access appropriate help.

Why are we afraid to say we’re struggling?

It can be difficult to talk about our feelings. This is especially the case when we’re experiencing a complicated situation. For a lot of people, the worse things get, the more we withdraw. This is, on some level, an innate response. The idea of addressing our feelings can naturally make us very nervous. These nerves often grow from psychological or social circumstances that can prevent us from talking. But delaying reaching out can have tangible ill effects on our lives. The longer we sit in our difficulties, the deeper they can pull us down.

By understanding what might be causing this block, we can start to break down the obstacles between us and the help we deserve.

Stigma

Charities like Mind and the Mental Health Foundation focus on breaking stigma around psychological struggles and related difficulties like addiction. This is because ‘stigma and discrimination can […] make someone’s mental health problems worse’ because it can ‘delay or stop them from getting help.’

Around 9 in 10 people dealing with mental health issues feel negatively affected by stigma and discrimination. Naturally, this experience can limit a person’s willingness to actively approach the topic of wellbeing with others.

Stereotypes

Whilst stigma and discrimination are linked to general attitudes, there are some specific stereotypes that impact people’s likelihood to ask for help. This often occurs when people fear being misunderstood or not being believed.

Some examples of stereotypes that could feed this are:

• ‘Men do not struggle with their mental health’
• ‘Only young white women experience eating disorders’
• ‘People experiencing hallucinations and delusions are dangerous’
• ‘People with addiction issues do not care about their wellbeing’
• ‘People with suicidal thoughts just want attention’

What is important to remember is that stereotypes are myths. They are misconceptions that are not reflective of reality.

 

Shame

Shame drives self-stigma. When we feel ashamed, we are likely to have negative thoughts about ourselves which then talk us out of asking for help. Shame comes from a place of self-judgement. It is difficult to break through – 56% of people living with mental health difficulties feel ashamed.

A 2023 study links guilt and shame in addiction with increased instances of low mood and anxiety. Shame is a very layered experience. We can feel ashamed because of our feelings and thoughts, or we can feel ashamed about our behaviours and actions. It is also common for people to avoid reaching out because they feel ashamed about what has led to their personal struggles. This is especially the case in instances of abuse, violence and trauma.

Denial

One of the things that can really trip us up is denial. If we are unable to accept that we are struggling, then we are very unlikely to ask for help. Denial can manifest as:

• Refusing to talk about our issues
• Minimisation (dampening down how serious things are)
• Displacement (blaming other people or things)
• Avoidance (doing everything you can to not think about the situation)

Denial is insidious. Without honest reflection, we can really risk falling down a slippery slope to reduced quality of life.

Fear of repercussions

A lot of the time, people are aware of their issues – they know they need help with their depression, for example, or can recognise that their use of drugs has become too dangerous. But there can be something else holding them back from speaking – fear.

Fear is a very potent motivator. Some people are afraid to talk about their concerns in case it negatively impacts their life. Fears that could stop people from talking include worries about:

• Difficulties at work
• Changes to childcare access
• Fear of social perception
• Legal complications
• Complicated home life

People can worry that these changes may be ‘worse’ than what they are currently dealing with. This can lead them to avoid talking out of fear of negative change.

Difficulty explaining feelings

We all have rich interior worlds. But how is it possible to give insight into that?

Some people do want to talk but may simply struggle to find the words. It is not uncommon to find it tough to verbalise emotions, especially when such complicated feelings and experiences are present. This is sometimes described as alexithymia. Sometimes, this inability to communicate with others can have devastating effects, leading to silence and social isolation.

Steps towards reaching out

The positives of overcoming these barriers are huge. Talking about our feelings can help us access the correct help, reduce threats to our safety and improve general wellbeing. But how do we take the steps to feel comfortable in reaching out?

Embracing vulnerability

Being vulnerable nurtures acceptance, confidence and authenticity. By being vulnerable, we can get to know ourselves better. It can also make us more attentive to others’ needs, as well as increasing our ability to share our needs with others.

You can practice being vulnerable by sharing when:

• you are not feeling okay
• your feelings have been hurt
• you have had thoughts you are struggling with
• you feel tempted to engage in a risky behaviour

Nurturing connection

The more connected we feel, the safer we feel to talk about ourselves. By nurturing the social networks in our lives, we naturally build a strong support system. This is a mutually beneficial practice that helps both us and our loved ones feel needed, loved and supported.

Practising mindfulness

Mindfulness can help us to stay present in the moment. This can be useful to help us reassess our situations and gain perspective. This, in turn, can help us reflect and identify how we are feeling. When we can accurately pinpoint what’s going on, we can then identify our potential needs and, therefore, communicate this to others.

Get help for addiction

There are a lot of complicated feelings linked to alcohol and drug use. But no matter how tough things get, you do not need to manage alone. If you are concerned that your mental health is spiralling out of control, then it is time to access support. From outpatient programmes to supported detoxes and residential care, rehab for drug addiction comes in all forms.

At UKAT, there is an appropriate route to recovery for everyone. We pride ourselves on offering a sensitive, professional and reassuring hand to those who need it. Contact us today to seek judgment-free, specialist advice from a member of our admissions team.